Everyone has feeling and emotions. They know what does it means to get emotionally hurt. Eventually, our partner will say or do things that hurt us. We may need to understand why this could happen. When people are under stress, it is quite likely for them to shoot from the hip and say cruel things without thinking. Our partner may not be intending to hurt us, they just don’t stop and think, before talking. Bad things could be said when our partner is rushed and has very strict time constraint. They may speak abruptly, without thinking about the possible consequences.
It is actually possible that a mean thing that our partner says is actually well planned and it has a hidden message. There could be something beneath the anger, not just simple rudeness or arrogance. Our partner may want to tell something, but he/she can’t tell it directly. When we ask our partner about it, it is very likely that we will get “Nothing, I’m fine”, as an answer. In this situation, we should softly say that we know that there’s something and we will patiently wait for our partner to talk about it. We could encourage our partner to say things honestly without being too pushy.
A solid and respectful relationship should be immune to occasional cruel verbal expressions. Also, every relationship may have hidden agendas and our partner may simply want to avoid conflict. Our partner may actually be reluctant to hurt our feelings by saying the truth, but things can be so frustrating that he/she ends up saying cruel things.